All Or Nothing....What About The Idea of "Start Somewhere"

I can rememer so much of my life spent thinking about "Starting Tomorrow!" Tomorrow I won't have cake, tomorrow I will make that call, tomorrow I will mail the payment in, tomorrow I will make that appointment, tomorrow I will call her back, tomorrow I will go to that meeting, tomorrow I will eat better. I spent so much time on what I was going to do tomorrow, that nothing ever got done in the day, except for piling up all the things that perpetuated my feelings of insecurity and low self esteem. In the morning, I would wake up and automatically wonder if I was going to do what I said I was going to do. The anxiety was ever present. Of course, it had to be all or nothing, so if I ate that bagel for breakfast that I said I wasn't going to eat, I couldn't make the appointment I was going to make, or skip the cake for desert, or make the call i said I was going to make. It had to be all "good" or all "bad". I put those words into parentheses, because that was my judgement of everything. Everything fell into a category of good or bad. So then, if it was good, I was a good person and had the right to feel good about myself and if it was bad, I had a reason to punish myself and sabotage.

Learning how to "start somewhere" was one of the most healing things that I have learned in my life. It's also an ongoing project. There are many areas that I have learned to do this: relationships, nutrition, exercise, career...... and others that will appear that need to be worked on. One of the things that helps this process along is a gratitude list. Stopping and being aware of what I have done so that I can feel good about it. This gives me something to build on and creates good feelings, positive attitude and momentum to keep going forward. If I can stop and feel good about the fact that I ate a healthy satisfying breakfast and made a phone call to my mother to be in touch, I automatically start my day in a way that propels me to continue the cycle of doing good things for me, my life and loved ones around me. I am present for my life.

Feeling like life is an Opportunity not a Trial

I can remember the days when life felt like a trial. I would open my eyes in the morning and feel a knot in my stomach. I wasn't sure what the day would bring because I was in the clutches of my mind. My negative thoughts and fears were always in the forefront of my mind. although I had friends and spoke with people, I was not truly connecting to anyone. Nobody knew what was going on for me and because of all of this, I was unable to give or receive in any relationship. Having experienced these times in my life makes me so grateful, because now that I am in a place where I have energy and passion to give and receive, I don't take this for granted. It is no coincidence what I love to do and have chosen to do with my life. It is a way for me to give back where i needed help in my life. See the progress that you have made in your life today...you have come so far....keep on going!