All Or Nothing....What About The Idea of "Start Somewhere"

I can rememer so much of my life spent thinking about "Starting Tomorrow!" Tomorrow I won't have cake, tomorrow I will make that call, tomorrow I will mail the payment in, tomorrow I will make that appointment, tomorrow I will call her back, tomorrow I will go to that meeting, tomorrow I will eat better. I spent so much time on what I was going to do tomorrow, that nothing ever got done in the day, except for piling up all the things that perpetuated my feelings of insecurity and low self esteem. In the morning, I would wake up and automatically wonder if I was going to do what I said I was going to do. The anxiety was ever present. Of course, it had to be all or nothing, so if I ate that bagel for breakfast that I said I wasn't going to eat, I couldn't make the appointment I was going to make, or skip the cake for desert, or make the call i said I was going to make. It had to be all "good" or all "bad". I put those words into parentheses, because that was my judgement of everything. Everything fell into a category of good or bad. So then, if it was good, I was a good person and had the right to feel good about myself and if it was bad, I had a reason to punish myself and sabotage.

Learning how to "start somewhere" was one of the most healing things that I have learned in my life. It's also an ongoing project. There are many areas that I have learned to do this: relationships, nutrition, exercise, career...... and others that will appear that need to be worked on. One of the things that helps this process along is a gratitude list. Stopping and being aware of what I have done so that I can feel good about it. This gives me something to build on and creates good feelings, positive attitude and momentum to keep going forward. If I can stop and feel good about the fact that I ate a healthy satisfying breakfast and made a phone call to my mother to be in touch, I automatically start my day in a way that propels me to continue the cycle of doing good things for me, my life and loved ones around me. I am present for my life.